As I sit here at work I find myself with a few extra minutes which is almost unheard of. I have been reading all the blogs and most of you have posted new pics and posts. Sorry to disappoint but I am at work so there will be no pictures and really not much is going on with Gray and I. Like really. We lead a somewhat boring life.
However work is much better now that I have gotten the hang of things and I even discovered some new things about myself. For example, I love working in an office interacting with people and doing busy work. I like doing tax returns (gasp) and the guys I work with are pretty fun. On the downside I learned that I am a neurotic perfectionist. My sister Sara wrote a most hilarious post on her blog about perfectionism and when I finished reading it and giggling I realized that I totally fit the mold. You see we both live in the shadow of some pretty amazing parents and siblings and while Sara has her good looks and sense of humor to rely on, I tend to break down when stressed. And for all you slackers (like myself...see definition below)who didn't read the above mentioned post I will paraphrase what a neurotic perfectionist is. It is someone who never achieves anything because they feel like nothing is ever good enough...someone who suffers from anxiety, procrastination, unrealistic goal setting, AND a fear of making mistakes!

I was totally shocked...I now have a name (and an excuse) for what has ailed me for so long.

All my life I have avoided doing things because I was sure it was too hard and I would screw up. I never studied until the last minute and my lessons plans were never completed until the night before I taught them. I complained and slowly did my chores(my mom is anal about toilets) and I rarely applied for jobs that I was qualified for because I was afraid I wouldn't be any good. Hence the situation I am now in....working part time for almost nothing and window shopping way too much.
Even here at work I questioned and re-questioned what I was doing and double-triple checked everything I did. I was anxious about not screwing up and wanted to be good; like really good! After a while the guys told nicely to chill out cause I was doing fine and more importantly I knew what I was doing. So now I question less and try to believe that what I have done is right or close to. And while I may use this neurotic perfectionism as a crutch for the next little while, I do plan on working on myself...you know like not freaking out a lot and worrying about minor details. And I will try and set attainable goals like making my bed and cooking dinner. Hopefully as I get better at that stuff I will be able to relax at work and start applying for jobs I want. Heck I might even finish my wedding scrapbook (which has been a source of discomfort and anxiety because I want it perfect and I am not a perfect scrapbooker yet and I need to print out better pictures and find cuter cardstock....bah)
I guess I will start small and go from there. I am going to do better and be calmer and act cooler. I am really going to start to take care of myself and let loose a bit. I am so ready to get over all my setbacks and move on with my life. In fact I am so ready I am gonna start right away....like tomorrow...or maybe next week... Well I will for sure start by March cause I can do a new month/new goal theme. I will get started for reals....maybe just not right now.