Life is so confusing. Just when I think I have it all figured out something happens that sets my mind spinning with a billion questions. On a side note, I have been sick and lazy and tired this past month and everything is kinda catching up with me. I was just starting to feel better this past week and was eying the vacuum and setting my sights on scrubbing my kitchen. You see, I try to plan my days in hope that it will lead me to planning my week (or year or life) but I've realized it just doesn't work out the way I plan so what's the point. I end up feeling overwhelmed and a little mopey and I forget something...

I AM SO BLESSED!

I got an email from my dad the other morning saying that a friend of the family had been killed in a car accident. It was a short note but it left me full of sorrow and questions. My dad shares an office with another psychiatrist and over the many years that they have worked together we have gotten to know his secretary Lois and her family quite well. We heard about the adventures and accomplishments of her husband and kids and in turn we grew love the whole family. Lois' son Ladell was married about two and a half years ago to a sweet girl Candace who I was actually roommates with for the summer before I got married. Their story was seriously a fairy tale to me (or at least a really good romantic Hollywood film) Candace had known and loved Ladell for years as he had known and loved other girls. He finally realized what a gem Candace was, popped the question and married her. They were the perfect couple too. They did everything together and respected one another and while I did not spend that much time with them they were the kind of people that you like to know.

This past long weekend on the way home from a ski trip, they were in a car accident and Ladell was killed. They had turned a corner on the highway and were confronted with a semi truck who had lost control and slid into their lane. In a split second Ladell swerved the car to the right and took the full impact of the semi essentially saving the life of his wife and her niece in the backseat. I guess you could say that it was just an automatic reaction to swerve the car that way but I know he turned that way on purpose... That is just how he was. It is heartbreaking really. Candace is 12 weeks pregnant. They were a great couple getting ready to start a family. I just don't understand...

And then I really got to thinking...

Why do things like this happen?

Why am I so blessed to have not experienced anything close to that with my family?

When is it going to happen to my family? Because it has to soon, right?

How did I get to be so blessed?

How did my parents end up with 5 righteous children all sealed in the temple to good people?

How did I end up happily married and sealed in temple? I was a major turd for a few teenage years...

I know Heavenly Father has a plan and that everything happens for a reason but I still wonder. And worse, I still question. I guess I need more faith. I guess I should try to understand that there are some trials that people go through that I would never be able to handle. Or I should understand that if anything like this ever happened to me I would find a way to handle it with the support of my family and my testimony. And in the end the most important thing I realize is that I am super blessed and that each day I live is a miracle and I should treat it that way.

Life is confusing but it is also a wonderful gift. Don't ever take the moments you have or the people you love for granted.

I love you all so much...just so you know!!

Story of my Life #2

As I was getting ready for playgroup this morning, (Hi my name is Diana. I have no children and my favorite thing to do is go to playgroup and watch all the other mothers chase their kidlets around...it is a small addiction of mine) I noticed a few wrinkly lines and some dark spots under my eyes. I thought I slept funny on my pillow causing the wrinkles but three hours later when I was heading to work I noticed that they were still there! New wrinkles....under my eyes. Oh the insanity! After some yanking and pulling at the skin that resulted in red teary eyes, I lowered my head and went to work. What am I going to do with myself?

At the gym yesterday, my trainer asked me again when my birthday was. I guess in the computer it had said I was born in 1990 and she was insistant that the date must be wrong. I laughed anxiously and told her my real birth year. She quickly responded, "Yeah no way are you only 20!" I lowered my head, asked for a refund and demanded an older trainer. Then we took some measurements and figured out my body fat % which caused the trainer to raise her eyes a bit. Screw it I said! I bringing chubby back!

When I was talking to my mom the other day, she informed me of something she had read in a magazine. If you remember your dreams and they are vivid and real, it is likely that you never reach your true deep sleep REM cycle and just have crazy dream REM cycle sleep. That in turn makes you very tired. It was my AHA moment or in this case...story of my life!

Most of you all know that the main story of my life is lack of sleep. Tired a lot blah blah blah. I have had quite a few interesting experiences with my subscription to a lifetime of insomnia. I have sleep walked and talked and even eaten but in the past year or so I have become somewhat active at night. I thought that was why I was so tired...some nights it felt like I was literrally running a half marathon with my legs moving and flopping all over the bed. The following experinece though seems to take the cake. (Yes I love to use horrible cliches in all my posts multiple times)

I had a horrible dream that it was my sister Sara's wedding day and some old boyfriend (we'll call him Biff) had come to kidnap and reclaim Sara as his own. I was rightly ticked off and tried to encourage Biff to leave but he just laughed. My dad was trying to get rid of him too but this guy snuck around the backyard and secretly stabbed my dad in the back! Then he bragged and laughed that he was now gonna steal Sara and meet with no resistance. There were a few girls with Biff and I was so mad that they were helping him. I karate chopped one in the face and Tae Bo'd the other girl in the nose. Then I laid into Biff like peanut butter on jelly and really let him have it. I was punching and kicking and spitting and scratching and really beating the tar outta him but he kept escaping and holding me down. I would recover and resume the attack only to be held down again. Finally Biff yelled my name and told me to wake up and stop hitting him. Only then did I actually wake up to Grayson holding me down and deflecting my fists at the same time. I had really been kicking the snot out of Gray and he was so not impressed. But I honestly had no clue that my inner kung fu could show up in my sleep. I have kicked out or flailed my arms before but this was a full on metal jacket battle palooza. I like to think that I saved my sister and avenged my father but I woke up before I finished my dream. I guess I can be assured by the scratches and bruises on Grayson that I did a pretty good job in defending my family. On the other hand, Grayson has now erected a pillow barrier between us and my ninja tendencies have been discouraged. And I guess for the sake of my marriage, I should wish for dreams of bubble gum and rainbows in hopes that the violence will stop. I would hate to be arrested for domestic abuse while sleeping. That would be just plain embarrassing!

In honor of the snow that is falling everywhere across the nation but here I have hung some little flakes to remind myself that it is still winter. I mean right now with the sun shining and a brisk breeze sweeping through, it feels like a day in May back home in Canada. It almost feels wrong to be enjoying such nice weather while the majority of North America is frozen and white!

I kinda wish it would blizzard here too.

I always miss the cool extreme weather! I can think of many times when I have been absent during super cool weather. Some examples: Visiting grandma-Tornado in my home town of Edmonton...the only one ever to hit that city and I was watching soaps with my granny and playing with dirt. Moved back to Canada from Utah- SLC hit by a tornado that tore the roof off the Delta Center where the Jazz play basketball... I was tucked in a corner napping oblivious to the twister down south. Flood of the Century #2- I was away at college in Rexburg, ID where the most extreme weather is snow and lots of it... I missed the main road being flooded and the train tracks washing away. I bet some folks even pulled out their dingy's and went for a ride. All that extreme fun and chaos and I missed it!

Life's too short to let major events like that pass on by. I guess I should count my blessings. I haven't taken out my winter jacket in two years except for when I went home to Canada... I wear the same pair of shoes year round... Each day will either be sunny or cloudy with no huge changes in the atmosphere... And it either rains or shines which eliminates the need for a wide variety of accessories like scarves, toques, mittens, hats, snow pants, layers and an emergency kit in my car.

Some people call that kind of weather almost perfect...

I call it BORING!

Bring on the storm!