Life is so confusing. Just when I think I have it all figured out something happens that sets my mind spinning with a billion questions. On a side note, I have been sick and lazy and tired this past month and everything is kinda catching up with me. I was just starting to feel better this past week and was eying the vacuum and setting my sights on scrubbing my kitchen. You see, I try to plan my days in hope that it will lead me to planning my week (or year or life) but I've realized it just doesn't work out the way I plan so what's the point. I end up feeling overwhelmed and a little mopey and I forget something...

I AM SO BLESSED!

I got an email from my dad the other morning saying that a friend of the family had been killed in a car accident. It was a short note but it left me full of sorrow and questions. My dad shares an office with another psychiatrist and over the many years that they have worked together we have gotten to know his secretary Lois and her family quite well. We heard about the adventures and accomplishments of her husband and kids and in turn we grew love the whole family. Lois' son Ladell was married about two and a half years ago to a sweet girl Candace who I was actually roommates with for the summer before I got married. Their story was seriously a fairy tale to me (or at least a really good romantic Hollywood film) Candace had known and loved Ladell for years as he had known and loved other girls. He finally realized what a gem Candace was, popped the question and married her. They were the perfect couple too. They did everything together and respected one another and while I did not spend that much time with them they were the kind of people that you like to know.

This past long weekend on the way home from a ski trip, they were in a car accident and Ladell was killed. They had turned a corner on the highway and were confronted with a semi truck who had lost control and slid into their lane. In a split second Ladell swerved the car to the right and took the full impact of the semi essentially saving the life of his wife and her niece in the backseat. I guess you could say that it was just an automatic reaction to swerve the car that way but I know he turned that way on purpose... That is just how he was. It is heartbreaking really. Candace is 12 weeks pregnant. They were a great couple getting ready to start a family. I just don't understand...

And then I really got to thinking...

Why do things like this happen?

Why am I so blessed to have not experienced anything close to that with my family?

When is it going to happen to my family? Because it has to soon, right?

How did I get to be so blessed?

How did my parents end up with 5 righteous children all sealed in the temple to good people?

How did I end up happily married and sealed in temple? I was a major turd for a few teenage years...

I know Heavenly Father has a plan and that everything happens for a reason but I still wonder. And worse, I still question. I guess I need more faith. I guess I should try to understand that there are some trials that people go through that I would never be able to handle. Or I should understand that if anything like this ever happened to me I would find a way to handle it with the support of my family and my testimony. And in the end the most important thing I realize is that I am super blessed and that each day I live is a miracle and I should treat it that way.

Life is confusing but it is also a wonderful gift. Don't ever take the moments you have or the people you love for granted.

I love you all so much...just so you know!!