Finally! It is my turn to brag about my baby! Do you know how long I have wanted to do that? However there wasn't much to talk about when Logan was first born. Besides the fact that it was overwhelmingly traumatic and unbelievable, I imagined conversations would go
something like this:
'Your baby was 7 lbs 12 oz at birth? Wow mine was 1 lbs 15 oz. You delivered a tank' or
'Your baby could breath on his own right away? You mean it's not normal for the nurse to bag him for two hours while they wait for the transport team to arrive with a small enough ventilator tube? Crazy...'
In my mind I have been writing Logan's birth story for almost three months. In reality it is a 93 day long birth story so it is bound to be long and complex and while I do want to share that, I still am dealing with a lot of feelings...
For example, it was hard not to smack some people in the face for complaining about a crying baby in the middle of the night or a toddler that was misbehaving because at the time I would have given my whole being to be able to just hold my baby and know that he was going to survive. But since I can hold him now (all the time...) and I know that he is better, I am going to brag...a lot!
something like this:
'Your baby was 7 lbs 12 oz at birth? Wow mine was 1 lbs 15 oz. You delivered a tank' or
'Your baby could breath on his own right away? You mean it's not normal for the nurse to bag him for two hours while they wait for the transport team to arrive with a small enough ventilator tube? Crazy...'
In my mind I have been writing Logan's birth story for almost three months. In reality it is a 93 day long birth story so it is bound to be long and complex and while I do want to share that, I still am dealing with a lot of feelings...
For example, it was hard not to smack some people in the face for complaining about a crying baby in the middle of the night or a toddler that was misbehaving because at the time I would have given my whole being to be able to just hold my baby and know that he was going to survive. But since I can hold him now (all the time...) and I know that he is better, I am going to brag...a lot!
Today Logan is 4 months old! It has been a long journey and there were moments when I didn't know if we would get here...as in home together, mostly healthy and completely happy. He has been a joy in our lives from the beginning but this past month has been truly amazing.
Logan now weighs 8 lbs. 4 oz. He has almost gained 7 lbs since he was born. He is incredibly short...his legs barely make it to the knees in most of his pants and sleepers and it's funny to see him squirming because there is like 4 inches of extra fabric flopping around.
He has big blue, green, brown eyes and he has started focusing and looking right at us for a few minutes. He has so much brown hair all over his head with a small area in the back that had thinned out but is now growing back. I didn't think he would get that baby bald spot in the back because he was on his tummy a lot in the NICU and I only noticed it when we were home from the hospital. He has even started to get a little bit of bed head now when he sleeps on my chest or rolls around. It is adorable. There are a few bumps on his scalp from when he had the IVs in but those are slowly disappearing. He also has small little scars on his arms from all the pokes and IVs. His little foot looks like he stepped on a pin cushion. There was a few days where he would get stabbed every three hours...EVERY 3 HOURS. The doctors wanted to check his blood gas to make sure he was getting enough oxygen into his blood. I see those little scars now and remember the nightmare of watching him wince and silent cry every time they poked him. But I am getting distracted now.
We always put him in a little pair of mitties because he loves to scratch his face and poke his eyes. Even when he was just days old he would get his hands up to his face but his fingernails were paper thin and the size of a pin head so we didn't worry about it them then. There were other things on our mind.
He moves and shakes whenever he is awake and has even mastered the roll over! I can't believe that when he was only 2.5 weeks old (corrected age) he rolled over during tummy time. And although he is four months old it's not like he was able to work on any developmental skills in the NICU. He mostly just slept and ate. I seriously am considering contacting the world record people on this one.
He cries when we put him down so I end up holding him most of the day. There have been a few rare moments when Gray has made me try to let Logan cry it out but the longest I have lasted is 5 minutes. I think after almost three months of not being held has taken its toll on him and I love to cuddle him close anyway...most of the time. He doesn't really sleep well at night yet but I am trying to be patient. Most nights we fall asleep on the couch and then I carefully transfer him to his crib. We have a small mini bed that we borrowed from some friends and he sleeps in that inside his crib.
Logan still has to take a bottle for most every feed because he needs fortification to grow and he is anemic so he takes a multivitamin with breast milk at lunch time. He still has some edema around his eyes and has a new hernia. He hasn't even healed from the last hernia surgery and we are already preparing ourselves for another one. The worst WORST thing in the world is watching surgeons wheel your little baby away to cut him open. I am seriously considering waiting until we go back to Canada to get it done because last time he got so infected and so sick from his surgery that we were in the NICU for another week and a half.
He is still so little to me. He wears size 1 diapers but only because his hernia is so big that the newborn diapers don't hold everything in anymore. We have to wrap the diapers around pretty tightly and even then when we lift him up the diaper falls down because he is so skinny. Everyone comments on his double chin which is cute but seriously the only fat on him.
I have now reread this post and I realize it is totally random. There are a lot of Logan facts mixed in with a lot of memories. I want to get down every little fact about him so I remember but most of his life so far has been spent in the hospital and its hard to separate the growing from the healing. Either way Logan is such a blessing to us. It is a miracle that he is alive and home with us. People think I exaggerate how sick Logan was but the fact is when you get right down to it he almost didn't make it. We were on the last ventilator and had no other options if that did not work. He was small and ill and helpless. Grayson down played a lot of it because that is how he dealt with it. I remember his mom calling every night and he would tell her that Logan was doing ok and I was doing ok. I just wanted to scream out loud that Logan wasn't doing well, that he was really doing very poorly and I was a complete mess. There were people who kept on congratulating us and I couldn't believe it. What were they congratulating me for? Having an incompetent cervix? Delivering a micro baby that might not survive? I guess it really is hard to explain and this is not the time to start.
My baby is home. My baby is growing. My baby is all mine. And while there are sleepless nights and long, lonely days I wouldn't trade them for anything. Logan is my life now and I love my life!
He has big blue, green, brown eyes and he has started focusing and looking right at us for a few minutes. He has so much brown hair all over his head with a small area in the back that had thinned out but is now growing back. I didn't think he would get that baby bald spot in the back because he was on his tummy a lot in the NICU and I only noticed it when we were home from the hospital. He has even started to get a little bit of bed head now when he sleeps on my chest or rolls around. It is adorable. There are a few bumps on his scalp from when he had the IVs in but those are slowly disappearing. He also has small little scars on his arms from all the pokes and IVs. His little foot looks like he stepped on a pin cushion. There was a few days where he would get stabbed every three hours...EVERY 3 HOURS. The doctors wanted to check his blood gas to make sure he was getting enough oxygen into his blood. I see those little scars now and remember the nightmare of watching him wince and silent cry every time they poked him. But I am getting distracted now.
We always put him in a little pair of mitties because he loves to scratch his face and poke his eyes. Even when he was just days old he would get his hands up to his face but his fingernails were paper thin and the size of a pin head so we didn't worry about it them then. There were other things on our mind.
He moves and shakes whenever he is awake and has even mastered the roll over! I can't believe that when he was only 2.5 weeks old (corrected age) he rolled over during tummy time. And although he is four months old it's not like he was able to work on any developmental skills in the NICU. He mostly just slept and ate. I seriously am considering contacting the world record people on this one.
He cries when we put him down so I end up holding him most of the day. There have been a few rare moments when Gray has made me try to let Logan cry it out but the longest I have lasted is 5 minutes. I think after almost three months of not being held has taken its toll on him and I love to cuddle him close anyway...most of the time. He doesn't really sleep well at night yet but I am trying to be patient. Most nights we fall asleep on the couch and then I carefully transfer him to his crib. We have a small mini bed that we borrowed from some friends and he sleeps in that inside his crib.
Logan still has to take a bottle for most every feed because he needs fortification to grow and he is anemic so he takes a multivitamin with breast milk at lunch time. He still has some edema around his eyes and has a new hernia. He hasn't even healed from the last hernia surgery and we are already preparing ourselves for another one. The worst WORST thing in the world is watching surgeons wheel your little baby away to cut him open. I am seriously considering waiting until we go back to Canada to get it done because last time he got so infected and so sick from his surgery that we were in the NICU for another week and a half.
He is still so little to me. He wears size 1 diapers but only because his hernia is so big that the newborn diapers don't hold everything in anymore. We have to wrap the diapers around pretty tightly and even then when we lift him up the diaper falls down because he is so skinny. Everyone comments on his double chin which is cute but seriously the only fat on him.
I have now reread this post and I realize it is totally random. There are a lot of Logan facts mixed in with a lot of memories. I want to get down every little fact about him so I remember but most of his life so far has been spent in the hospital and its hard to separate the growing from the healing. Either way Logan is such a blessing to us. It is a miracle that he is alive and home with us. People think I exaggerate how sick Logan was but the fact is when you get right down to it he almost didn't make it. We were on the last ventilator and had no other options if that did not work. He was small and ill and helpless. Grayson down played a lot of it because that is how he dealt with it. I remember his mom calling every night and he would tell her that Logan was doing ok and I was doing ok. I just wanted to scream out loud that Logan wasn't doing well, that he was really doing very poorly and I was a complete mess. There were people who kept on congratulating us and I couldn't believe it. What were they congratulating me for? Having an incompetent cervix? Delivering a micro baby that might not survive? I guess it really is hard to explain and this is not the time to start.
My baby is home. My baby is growing. My baby is all mine. And while there are sleepless nights and long, lonely days I wouldn't trade them for anything. Logan is my life now and I love my life!
9 comments:
What a little miracle. He couldn't have gotten better parents. He's a tough boy; he's here because God has a purpose for him. He supposed to be here! Love this blog.
Diana you are such a strong woman!
Love reading all these random facts about your little miracle!! Post more!! you know, when you're not snuggling!! Love you guys!
he's kinda perfect and so are you and grayson! hang in there! love your little family...
Love hearing about all the facts and memories keep them coming
Well, I don't know if I said congratulations before and it drove you nuts, but if I didn't-- CONGRATULATIONS NOW! Congratulations for making it through that situation. I am so glad for you that the worst is [mostly] over.
Oh my heavens he is cute! Love this post, it's so interesting to hear all those little details- especially now that all is well. Maybe you should write a book - that can take the place of the sleep your not getting anyway :) also , snuggle that baby all you want - schedules are over rated and he has a lifetime of bedtimes and routines- these first months of endless holding and snuggles go by so fast- enjoy them!!!
Wonderful post, Diana. You truly understand what being a mother is all about.
PS: The "Ruth McKimson" comment was me. Hehe.
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