After an intense weekend of visiting and driving I have a few pics I want to share. We went to Vancouver, BC for the long weekend to visit an old friend of Grayson's. I have never spent a lot of time there...mostly ferry or plane rides from there...but I loved it. It is almost the perfect place for me. By the ocean, in Canada, semi-closer to family. The only downfall is the downfall of too much rain. Anyway here is our fun weekend.

Rose Festival Fair and Fireworks
(I am not actually sure when the real Rose Festival is but the food was yummy and the fireworks were hot!)

Vancouver Sights

This is a real model posing for the camera

This is a real guy making fun of the models

My very first Beavertail

(this one is obviously Grayson's)

My lunch

The Aquarium in Stanley Park

These are the funniest little worms. They always stay in their holes!

Little Froggy

By this time my battery ran out on my camera but we saw some amazing animals and sights and it was so much fun!

My Baby K is all grown up....

Yes it is true. My youngest little sister Katie graduated this weekend. She is pretty much the coolest kid I know. She was the class president and editor of the yearbook. I can't help but call her a super hero for doing those things and still living life. She is definitely going places.

Props to her. She got one of the three awards handed out at grad. It is called the "out of the box" award for the student who demonstrated innovation, leadership, service and the ability to think outside the box. That just tickles me pink cause she is all those things and more.

She is all grown up now. When she was little we were the best of buds. She was my Baby K and I was her Big D. The first year I went away to college she was the only one majorly excited to see me when I came home. Now I get majorly excited to see her.

Plus I feel old. I graduated 9 years ago!

KATIE--You are the best and sweetest girl and I am so proud of you! Loves!!
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Officially Obsessed

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret....I am kinda self conscious. Yep I am sometimes excessively conscious of my appearance. Sometimes I even worry about what message I am sending others. Do they think I am nice or mean? Pretty or not? Funny or so not funny? I think we all have a little bit of this feeling inside but lately mine has surfaced a lot more than usual.

I guess it all started in 2nd grade... I don't think I cared about what I looked like or what I did back then. I was a carefree child with fuzzy hair and second hand clothes andI thought I was a princess. I was even convinced I was named after one (I can't remember if I ever actually asked my mom if I was....I just told everyone that and I'm gonna stick to that story) Anyway back to 2nd grade. My elementary school had a loft where you could climb up a ladder and read books on pillows and relax. There was a pole that you could slide down too. It was there that I first learned about what a period was (the non grammatical kind) and I rejected the first boy who ever had a crush on me (I now regret that cause he was so totally cute by 6th grade) But one day something happened. I fell down the ladder and hit every rung with my two front teeth. I think I knocked myself around enough that my self consciousness got loose. Suddenly I was tragically aware of how I looked...which is understandable since my teeth now looked like Goofy's and my face was swollen and sore. However soon enough my scars were healed and I was kind of back to my worry free self.

My appearance changed dramatically over the years. My favorite outfit in 4th grade was a tye dyed shirt with fluorescent pink leggings and multicolored socks and shoes (dude it was the late 80s) By 6th grade I was a blue jean girl with a love for graphic T's (my personal fave was the one that said "If it wasn't for boys, I quit school") In 8th grade I got my first pair of Lucky Jeans which were $80 and counted for two birthdays. It was also when I was a full grown nerd with glasses and braces. Those were the years when I again became extremely aware of what I looked like. A little more self consciousness leaked out. But again I was still a princess and would overcome. I started to get really good looking in 10th grade and I experienced my first kiss, my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak. For the next few years of high school I was totally cool with my appearance. A few more kisses and heartbreaks brought me to my senior year where I excelled in wearing sweats and plain T's while still appearing pretty. I even had a real life 6 pack from the 200 sit ups I did everynight and the occasional rollerblade around Henderson. In college I managed to be the co founder of the Date Every State Program (Stick up, Renee!) and I ran wild among the love birds.

But I guess I got careless... I never washed my face and I ate Pringles and candy corn late into the night (in my defense I was a sleep eater as much as a sleep walker and talker). The pounds slowly appeared but vansihed as soon as I started to do something about them. It was then that I developed a slightly gray shade on my afore mentioned front teeth. My poor tooth had finally died after years of whiteness. It was at that time that I started checking myself out in the mirror more. I bought whitening strips and toothpaste. I cried alone in the night at the loss of my near perfection and it all went down hill from there. I gained a little weight and bit my nails more. I began to notice small imperfections throughout my frame and before I knew it I was spending my free time in front of my closet door and mirrors. I did get a venear for my front tooth but the color was off and still grayish. I finally came home from college after three years and one huge broken spirit. I had experienced a devistating loss and kinda went into a slump. (I did however get back down to a size four as I mourned my loss) I met Grayson shortly after returning home and soon I was in love and began again obsessing about my appearance (dang self image issues). For 2 years I wondered day and night if Gray liked me and if he thought I was cute. I wondered if I could shed the 10 lbs I gained from our weekend outtings and I continued in my old ways...rarely washing off my make up and liking my sweats a little too much.

And now to the present.... 25 lbs heavier than college and wrinkled in noticeable places. As I have started to eat better and exercise (still kicking my white butt) I have realized that I kind of let myself go. I felt somewhat comfortable with myself again and loved my snacks a lot. I mean you only live once right? So after 26.5 years of living I now worry constantly about my appearance and spend countless hours evaluating my forehead wrinkles. I look at my side profile and sigh when I realize it is going to be a long road to my former near perfectness. And I have come to the conclusion that when I do reach that state again I will probably get prego right away and begin the process all over again. So here is the big news...I am sick of worrying about how I look. I will lose weight and I will conquer my wrinkles. I will enjoy my life and love my body. I will take it one day at a time. I will think of my appearance less and of others more. And I will overcome...as soon as I can stop obsessing about being overly self conscious!

Praise to the Mom

I think I could blog everyday. After a week of mourning and pouting and uncontrollable musings I am back to my usual self (whatever that is). I also realized that I think too much. My mind wanders and I think of things that are not very normal. I have weird thoughts and random ideas all the time. Like just this morning I was contemplating inventing scissors with a glue stick on the handle. My life would be so much more easier. Instead I had to hand out 24 glue sticks and then 24 pairs of scissors and by the time I was done 3 glues sticks had already been consumed and one girl had given herself bangs! And that was only 9:00am. By 10:30am I decided I would rather stick chili peppers in my eye than deal with one more tattler. At lunch time I realized that one of my girls eats more food than the rest of the class combined and one boy hardly eats anything at all. This made me think that the struggle with weight starts young and that it may already be too late for me. Then I sat in my chair doing ab flexes and relaxation breathing to try to lose a few pounds. Before I knew it I had figured out a way to exercise and read stories at the same time. After my long day my brain and I were tired. And then it hit me... I get all my wackiness and crazy thinking from my mother! And while at times I wish I could control my thoughts (NAME STEALER, NAME STEALER, NAME STEALER! JK!!) I am who I think I am because of my mom. She always encouraged me to do what I wanted and to think how I wanted. Because of her I am optimistic and open minded. I am empathetic and encouraging. On the down side I am outspoken and outrageous but for the most part I am ok with myself. And I can thank my mom for that. So whenever you think I am a little odd or a little mean or a little random just remember that I blame it on genetics!

There could be nothing more true
Love you Mama....

What's in a name...?

It really was the straw that broke the camel's back. I didn't take a breath for at least 30 seconds and when I finally did I cried like no tomorrow. Mind you it has been a good long time since I had a good cry but I still couldn't believe it. How could this happen to me? I am generally a good person and I try to do what is right. I think it all comes down to the fact that I talk too much. Seriously I am heartbroken. Now I am sure most of you will think that I am foolish or silly for going on like this but I will let you in on a little secret... I have kinda been down in the dumps lately and when this happened I just lost all hope... My sister in law had a healthy baby girl yesterday rah rah fun and games. Gray's mom called last night to tell us and announced the baby's name. Blakelee.... THAT'S RIGHT....it is the name I had chosen. I mean crazy yes because no one can really claim a name but this was a name that I had written in journal entries and scribbled down as my #1 fave for years. I even read a journal entry last night from 6 years ago... my girl friend Renee was engaged.... 2003.... and her soon to be hubby was talking about a friend of his named Blakelee. I wrote that down then and there as the name I would call my first child... I absolutely love(d) it. It was so unique and cute. Ever since I have jotted it down, checked different spellings, and tried to rhyme it will dirty words (bullies these days are heinous) The trouble began at Christmas when I mentioned this name at my sister in laws house. We went over for some appetizers and fun and since she was prego I was talking about names I loved. I blurted about Blakelee and went on for hours about the joy I felt when I heard that name. OK maybe it wasn't like that but I seriously ranted about it for at least a minute and I made it clear about my love affair with that name. Blame it on pregnancy memory loss or coniving forces I have no control over. Yesterday my world fell apart..... At first I was really surprised about how upset I was over this but after thinking for a while it all made sense. There were a few other contributing factors to this melt down...

First I had applied for some teaching jobs and I was really confident that I would get called. Didn't happen. Then my hours at work got cut ever more ( I am down to 20 hours a week). I have been sort of sick again too which is just awful because I haven't really been healthy since we moved here. I have been stressing about money and student loans and I have noticed my forehead wrinkles a lot more lately. To say it lightly I am missing my family and I need way more girl time and I don't like my job. Then on Sunday in Young Womens I had to hold back tears because our lesson was on mothers and how important women are today and I have no children yet. I stare at babies way too long and I am convinced that the 20 extra lbs I am sporting around my mid section is for protection of my uterus. I dream of babies and more importantly I dream of baby girls named Blakelee. This is more than a coincidence. It is just plain wrong. I mean what are the chances of the name that you have grown to love and cherish would end up being used on your new niece? So the baby is Blakelee Jean....what about BILLY Jean or BLUE Jean? Those names are just as unique and cute. But to use the name that I shouted out to the world.... I am just plain sad. I still plan on using the name but now I will be that tacky stubborn wife of Grayson who is so pathetically lame... My child and I will be shunned at Michel family reunions and I just barely got the rest of Gray's family kinda liking me. There is no winning with this one. You may laugh and tell me I am silly but this is just the last straw. I actually made myself sick last night thinking about it and I didn't sleep a wink. To say that there is more to this situation would be correct but right now all I am able to focus on is that little angel in heaven who is waiting for me to be her mommy. She is now slightly nameless (ok that may be going too far but I am in crisis). I should clarify that the name of my first baby girl WILL BE Blakelee (Blakely or Blakeley) and I plan to copyright all the other names I have chosen as well. Next time I am talking to any of you about babies and names, shut me up fast! I just can't handle any more disappointment.

Hunks and Hockey

This past weekend was a blast! On Friday night we got together with a group of couples from our ward and did a games night. I so love game nights. Plus it is nice to finally branch out and meet new people as well. We are kinda a boring family so Gray was so excited to go out. Overall it was a fun night with a lot of laughs and yummy treats!

On Saturday we finally went a saw Wolverine (it had already been out for two days!!) with our friends the Freys and Muellers. It was actually a lot better than I thought it would be. I was prepared for a disappointment since I had heard it wasn't that great. I think my new goal is to always expect the worse and then when the worse doesn't happen I will be pleasantly surprised. Anyways we went out to Outback Steakhouse with the Freys and that was a treat because the food and the company was great. When we got to the movie theatre we saw the Carter's (we played at their house on Friday night) and the Muellers. We took up a whole row and Trish and I giggled and sighed over Hunky Hugh (ok maybe I was the only one sighing and Trish was laughing at me) In the end the movie was good and we had spent two nights out on the town!

On a more delicate note, the Portland Trailblazers got eliminated from the playoffs. I don't think I watched a single game but I was kinda excited for the team. Anyway Gray was jumping for joy because he thought there would be more hockey playoffs on TV instead. The joy was short lived however when we realized we live in the zip code to expect much more than a game a week. I really really really miss hockey but not as much as Grayson. This is how I found him the other night.....

For all of you that don't know what he has got it is his faithful hockey stick (plus he was really asleep!)

My New Rules For Living Simply (As of This Year) 1. When bills come, just throw them out. Who needs all that clutter & heart-ache? 2. Have a room for everything. Don't ever do anything in a room you're not supposed to. (This works best in a hotel) 3. Take a couple of days & really find out your 3 favorite foods. Clear everything but these 3 foods out of your house. After awhile, you'll be so sick of them, you'll just go out to eat for every meal. Your kitchen will stay perfectly clean. (to be continued)